stefanged | Drift Fleet

[She breathes out softly, relieved.]

I was in Allen's, and there was this thing. Just... It got me kind of freaked about my head doing the same thing. Don't pull any levers, if you get his.

[With a warning like that, how could he not listen?]

Got it. I'll steer clear of anything that looks remotely like a lever.

But you seriously don't remember what happened in your dreams?

[She shakes her head, but her expression is apprehensive.]

No, I don't. I just know what Allen told me.

[Then, a nervous pause.]

... I'm sorry you had to see it. The, um. The whole murder thing messed me up really bad, and I don't really like to tell people what happened. But Allen said I need to stop bottling everything up. So... I guess here's me being open.

[She breathes in deep, then takes the jump, before he can talk her down.]

They were called the Gentlemen. They stole everyone's voices, and at first we all thought it was the castle being a bitch. But then they showed up and started killing people.

I was lucky number three, and it was all because I got antsy and left the safe spot by myself. They ripped out my heart while I was still awake to watch. And when I woke up later, all my friends had gone home so I never got to even talk about it. I wished I had stayed dead. And it's been a year and sometimes I start thinking like that again and I don't know how to tell you guys. Because I don't want you to feel like you're not enough. But Allen told me that if I kept it all in I'd just drive people away, and I don't want that either, so...

[She sniffs, turning her head away from the camera. There it is. Everything, laid on the table. She just hopes he'll stick around now.]

[It's all voice on his end, so when she takes a deep breath, Stefan finds his heart beating a little too fast for comfort. The "Gentlemen." That would explain the static on the TV, the lack of sound, and everything in general when he first wandered downstairs.

What do you say, though, to someone who wishes they had stayed dead? Beyond 'I sure don't.'

So he takes a deep breath, and his footsteps are loud and clear in the background, because as usual, he's coming to find her in person. (He hates video chats, hasn't she figured that out by now?)]

Well... you told me. That's a start. [His voice grows more gentle:] You've got nothing to apologize for. Your friends - if all of mine had gone home, I wouldn't have been able to keep it in that long, and I know. I know you'll think like that again sometimes.

You don't exactly die without your mind wandering back to it.

[Except for him, his wandering back to the incident is 'How did I not notice I was dead for seven hours?']

It's okay, Alex. It's a bit too late to drive me away.

[There isn't a sound on her end as he comes to look for her, other than a couple of muffled sniffs. She can't think of what else to say - she just wants to feel his arms around her and know that he isn't scared of her damage.

Once he finds her room, he'll notice that the only light is coming from the communicator screen. Alex is wrapped up in the blanket from her bed, sitting with her knees pulled up to her chest. She looks at Stefan like she's waiting for some kind of dam to break.]

... Hey.

Hey yourself.

[He turns his comm device off before he rushes over to hug her, as if it's the most natural thing in the world. Stefan figures, right now, actions matter more than words - and this one's speaking for him pretty loud and clear.

This time, he uses almost all of his strength, not really caring about holding back this time. He figures, she deserves it and then some.]

[She latches onto him like he's all she has in the world, digging her fingertips into his back and pressing her face against his neck. The communicator idles off, leaving the room pitch dark, but she just holds onto him and breathes. The weight of everything she said still hangs there in her throat, and she has no idea what comes next. Gradually though, her breathing starts to get more even, and her shoulders stop trembling.]

... Thanks. I'm a mess.

[Like he needs light to see her. Stefan pulls back on his strength a little, though his arms don't leave her side as he runs a hand through her hair. He'll stay like this as long as she needs him to; as far as he's concerned, you can't bounce back from a death that easily.]

Not really. [He raises both eyebrows at her as he pulls back to look at her, though it might be hard to see in the dark.] Look... [deep breath] if you start thinking like that again, you let me know. You're not alone anymore.

[Alex nods, her breath skipping at the feeling of his hand in her hair. She relaxes her hands, and wraps her arms fully around him.]

I'm not gonna... I wouldn't do anything. To myself.

[Her voice is a little bit muffled in his collar, but she just tilts her head instead of moving away from him. If anything, she squeezes him more tightly.]

But I'll tell you.

Good.

[He allows himself another hug, just because he can. It's almost instinct at this point, and were he a smarter man, he would've backed away, because this doesn't quite feel like something he'd do with a friend, but...

Since when was Stefan known for being the smart one?] I didn't think you would, but... thank you. For trusting me with this.

[She finally pulls back a bit, but doesn't let go. This isn't like the physical contact they had previously, that afternoon on Jason's bed. This isn't a means to an end they can't reach. This is just closeness, and she just wants to sit here and never take her hands off of him.]

I'd trust you with anything, you weird dork.

[Something about those words tugs at the back of her brain, and her breath hitches.

I love you, you weird dork.

It's what's written in her note to him, tucked away somewhere on the SS Paisley, for a time that she hopes never comes. And god, it's so true. She feels it in every inch of her bones.]

[Now he pulls back, because now or never, Alesci. Salvatore? Stefan, he settles upon thinking. No matter who he is, he's Stefan.]

Me too. Which is why... there's something I should've told you a long time ago, but I just never got around to it.

[Even though he's pulled back, he regrets it, because it means looking at her and trying to form the words that he doesn't want to say, because saying it makes it REAL, and he's not sure he wants that.

Still, she's visited his dream, of moving into a bedroom that wasn't quite Salvatore's or Alesci's, of his subconscious asking if these memories and quirks were worth keeping--]

I'm a reincarnation, Alex. I've got two lives rattling around in my head, and they're not great about sharing. [Deep breath,] And I'm kind of worried that as time goes on, and I remember more and more about my past life, I'm not gonna be me anymore.

[She can't see him very well in the dark, but she manages to look right into his eyes, listening with rapt attention. Somehow, she doesn't even find herself surprised. It seems like everything has just clicked into place, fallen together like perfect puzzle pieces. All of the snippets she'd seen in his head... it wasn't amnesia that had blocked those from him. He had lived a whole life in the past, and it was over, given way to who he is now. His mind had been allowing her to choose what became a part of his new, merged identity.]

Hey, hey, it's okay. That's not gonna happen.

[She reaches out and finds his hand, smoothing her thumb over his in a reassuring gesture.]

I don't know how this stuff works, but you are seriously the best person I know, and that's not something that can just change. You don't have to let it change. Like, what happens to you can affect who you are, yeah, but you're in control. You can decide how.

[She entwines her fingers with his, continuing to move her thumb in small strokes.]

You'll always be Stef, and I'm gonna be right here.

[He lets out a breath he doesn't know he was holding. Of course she was going to say that. Most people would. Most people also didn't witness what he had, day in and day out.]

Except it does. I've watched people change almost overnight - my old biology teacher, my roommates, even my sister's best friends. When they got their old memories back, they discarded their new ones, and I... I was getting pretty close to being him again.

[Him. Weird how quickly Salvatore becomes another person, when he puts it in this context. Stefan's not used to feeling so open, or vulnerable, or like he's baring himself for the whole world to see - but she's being open and raw with him, and he figures, he needs to.]

I'm not as in control as you always think. [He laughs, though it's a bit hollow.] You've got way too much faith in me sometimes.

[Her stomach starts to twist with fear at his words. Could he really just change like that? Could his brain flip a switch, and suddenly her Stef would be gone? She wants to believe that this is some fairy tale, and they can fight it just by standing here and believing that it won't work that way. But she knows that's not true. She knows now that horrible things happen, and they ruin your life and take the people you love, and there's nothing you can do to stop it.

For a horrible moment, she tries to imagine her life without this amazing, brilliant boy in front of her, and all she can think is that she wouldn't be able to do it. He's just told her that she's not alone, and she knows there are others who would be here for her - Allen, and Max, and Hiro, and even Crowley and Clay. But Stef... If he lost everything he was and disappeared into some stranger who drinks bourbon and snaps necks...

Alex squeezes his hand and leans back in towards him, seeking out his eyes in the darkness.]

I won't let you forget. I'll remind you every single day if I have to, but I'm not going to let you lose yourself, okay? Even if I have to go full-on Notebook about it. I do have faith in you, and that's saying a hell of a whole lot, because I'm not an optimist. But you're the most important person to me in this goddamn fleet, and I'm not going to sit on my ass and watch anything bad happen to you.

[Her hand trembles around his, and her voice is raw from the day's exhaustion, but her gaze is absolutely strong with all the conviction she has. She could almost laugh right now, at how ridiculously strong these feelings are. Everything is awful and there's a hole in her chest and she sometimes wants to kill herself and the most important person in the world to her might change before her eyes and he's grieving over it but it's okay. It's okay, because there's one thing she's completely certain about.]

... I love you, Stef.

[She won't let him forget, huh? Funny how the two most important people to him right could give him two completely distinct messages - one wants to help him remember Salvatore, while the other wants to remember Alesci. Stefan relaxes a little when she squeezes his hand, but only a little.]

Thank you. I may not know who I am, or who I'll be tomorrow - but you know... I've got the world's best witch on my side. [He says it softly, because he still can't believe she'd do this much for him - because he wasn't expecting this kind of effort for him. Even when he was so determined to lose Alesci for Elena, she hadn't exactly welcomed the new, when she was too busy grieving the old. Ever since he'd told her the truth, Elena had pulled away, because you just can't bounce back from some lies...

But Alex? Alex had treated this like it wasn't as big of a deal to hide, and while some small part of him's always going to love Elena (good god, they were soulmates), his heart's big enough for more.

So when he hears those three words - the ones he'd read before, but never thought he'd hear out loud - his heart almost stops for a second. In the dark, it might be hard to make out that genuine smile, but he hasn't felt this good in a long time.

Were he Salvatore, he would've gone in for a real kiss, but he's not Salvatore. Not now. So he settles for leaning forward and kissing her forehead.]

I love you too, you dork.

Edited 2015-11-02 22:07 (UTC)

[That simple kiss on the forehead could light up the whole room. Somewhere, deep in her brain, a part of Alex had been waiting to find out if she would be okay with this - if she could love someone who loved by different rules, and feel like things were complete. But she has any answer she could have needed now. In fact, there was no question to begin with, just a deeply buried fear after what happened that day in the bunk room.

Yes, she absolutely can, and she absolutely does. Just being close to him and hearing those words, so amazing and unexpected, is better than any first kiss she's gotten.

Grinning just as widely, she leans up to press a kiss to his cheek, before bringing her arms back up to embrace him. It's gentler this time, less desperate, and there are no digging fingers or wet cheeks. Just a brilliant smile and a pounding heart.]

We just have to keep saying sappy shit and we'll get through this. Together.

Edited 2015-11-02 22:29 (UTC)

[This is where he pulls back, if only to turn his device on so he can see her better. He can hear that heartbeat, and now that he's said it out loud...]

But it's more than the sappy shit. [Stefan takes a deep breath.] You're sure you're okay with the fact that I can't really love you like most boyfriends? Even kissing - sometimes, that's a bit more than I can do.

[Plus, there's the lingering, giant issue that he hasn't even begun to address.]

And as for Elena... I still haven't talked to her about this. Us. I think we're friends? That'll never, ever change - but right now, you're my number one. [He intertwines his fingers in hers.] I don't see that changing anytime soon, either.

[Unless I become Salvatore again, but he leaves that unsaid. She knows how much he's resisting the pull of his past life already.]

[In the faint glow, Alex smooths out the unbridled joy in her face just a bit, settling into a warm contentment instead.]

Yes, I'm okay with it. For all I flirt with people, I don't really...

[She shakes her head a little. She doesn't want to get into her intimacy issues now. It doesn't matter anyway.]

I only want what you're comfortable with. Like, I'm super attracted to you, yeah, but I love you too much to want something you don't.

[She has to smile a little bigger when she says it again. Love.]

And I totally get the Elena thing. Like... it's fine, whenever you want to tell her. She was a big thing in your life.

... Can I really call you my boyfriend?

Okay. But if that changes at any point, you tell me.

[Even if he can't satisfy those needs himself, it's all about communicating things and seeing where this'll lead. If, in the end, their goals and needs differ too much - then they'll deal with that problem (and re-adjust their relationship) when the time comes. For now, he wants this. Whatever this is.]

I'm... not sure what I'll tell her. [He smiles, though it's a bit thin.] Mostly because I don't remember why we broke up to begin with.

[He never DID get the full explanation.]

If you want? I'm sure people're already wondering - but I'm not so sure I'm comfortable with the word. Not yet, on my end.

Hey, I don't have to use it. I can call you whatever. [A reassuring smile.] You're my vampire.

You're my person.

[Oh god, it's happening. She's getting weird and mushy. Abort.]

I'm sorry, I just turn into this super gross romantic sometimes.

Hey, I happen to like super gross romantics. [He scrunches up his whole face at her, tempted to smother her in kisses and yet - and yet that's Salvatore speaking. Stefan smiles at her, as if she's the only thing in the world.]

Never apologize for something like that. I promise, I'm sure I can get way worse.

If I was a competitive person, that would sound like a challenge.

[But the smile she gives him is relaxed, matching his. Settling in against his side, she unfolds her legs and pulls out her communicator.]

Now I'll have to work extra hard to keep up my sarcastic, bad-girl persona. I can't have people thinking their captain's gone soft.

[He reaches for his communicator too, for once in his life, rather than the diary that he usually pulls out.

A small snort, particularly as he hears 'gone soft.']

Somehow, I don't think that'll be too hard. Once we hit the ground running, they won't know what hit 'em.

[She laughs, just a short happy little cackle.]

God... Wait, what did you mean you think people have been wondering? Was I that obvious?

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