stefanged | entranceway; ic contact

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entranceway; ic contact

"It's Stefan. Leave a message."

text | voice | video | action

What? [Damon doesn't back down either. His gaze locks on to his little brother's, and again, he's firm but not really out of control. It's hard for him to wrap his head around it. This feels like such a long time ago, and he didn't even know Stefan had feelings for Elena still or he would have warned him.] As far as I knew from what you told me, you were already aware I had feelings for her back where we're from, and you were already hurt by it. I was trying not to hurt you more with something that wasn't even official yet.

[Sure, they'd been dancing around a maybe, but Elena didn't know for certain what she wanted, and Damon was very okay with that. They were figuring out what was even there between them at that point, and then Damon was fast forwarded many years and he lived through moments Elena never did. It required a different figuring it out, but it wasn't until New Year's Eve that she officially said she was in love with him, that they were really in a relationship.]

That still doesn't answer why you think I've been screwing you over since you got here when I've been trying to help you from the start.

[with a scoff:] You're a little too late for that.

[He's already hurt. The last thing he wants is logic and reasoning and whatever bullshit Damon's going to pass off as the truth. Of course he had danced and danced around his feelings back in the mindscape - he didn't want to ruin what could've been a good thing.

Nevermind that this "good thing" was false to begin with. Nevermind that he had been played like a fiddle - or maybe that was a guitar.]

Help me? Come on, you just wanted me to be okay with your new girlfriend. That's why you're here now, aren't you? Just to make sure I won't tell all of Wonderland?

[Stefan hasn't even made a network post yet. He's not sure when he will, given how permanent those things feel - and how he's constantly reminded that people from home are watching and reading his every move.]

[Damon freezes and flinches abruptly finally understanding in a way he wishes he never understood, because he's not prepared for the emotions which come next.

Every moment of kindness, every moment of love that he showed to his brother, Stefan believes, for some reason, was completely false. Damon does many terrible things, but he does not ever use kindness or love in that way. It's difficult for him to show either. They're vulnerabilities that he didn't allow of himself at all for decades, because they were dangerous, because they were scary.

It's made even worse because he's coming off their mother dying right in front of them, and despite the way he felt inside (how wrecked and grieving), he could not manage an ounce of kindness for the woman, he could not give himself or her what he so desperately wanted to. He told her to die in the bed she'd made, and then the hellstone reminded him that- that deep fucking down (despite everything she'd done to Damon, to Stefan, to Elena), he wanted her to give him a chance to let her love him. And he couldn't manage it while she was dying there, because it was terrifying.

A mother, he can't talk to Stefan about because Stefan has wanted not to know about their past life, and Damon has respected it. Because Damon cannot get out the words to admit to his little brother that their mother abandoned them, that their mother didn't have the words to save her own son form himself (couldn't muster up the ability to pretend to care about him). A mother who put Elena in a box to punish him, and if it wasn't for her, she would still be out there where they're from, living her life with her friends and her family.

He shakes once and then swallows thickly to gather it back up, and he shuts off any trace of vulnerability in this moment.]

Tell whoever you want, Stefan, because I love Elena and I will never be sorry or ashamed of that, and we're not hiding it. She's the best damn thing that ever happened to me. We didn't tell you, because we weren't official yet, and the moment we were, you were the first person that was told.

I was kind to you because you're my brother, and it was important to me to take care of you like it was when we were little. If you want to twist it all around in your head to be your own bitter version of events, go right ahead.

I'm done. I'll give you your space like you wanted. [It's the last words he says before he turns and leaves.]

Edited 2017-01-23 01:10 (UTC)

[Maybe, in another life and another time, he would've understood that his brother didn't use kindness as a weapon. He would've understood that every conversation, every moment between them, hadn't been a complete lie - but from where he stands? It had been a giant lie.

Why else would someone so combative care? Why else would someone toss him into Silas's arms and simultaneously take it all back?

It certainly wasn't because he -

He cared. He sincerely, truly cared, and Stefan had driven him away with incendiary words and an equally fiery attitude. He blinks back tears, sinking back into his armchair.]

Fine. I think I will.

[He's speaking to empty air and he knows it as he furiously tries to wipe away at tears that just won't stop. He should pull out his communicator and call or text someone, maybe follow up on that damn empty threat now that Damon knows, but it remains untouched. Just like his (now cold) comfort food.

Stefan got exactly what he wanted, and for the first time, he's starting to think it's not all it's cracked up to be.]

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